I’ve Seen the Light!

I’ve been thinking and praying real hard lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that the Lord wants me to lead the great state of Kentucky in the ways of righteousness and fundamentalist infallibility just like “w” in DC. Yes, I know I’m not real smart and highly educated like most Kentuckians and I have failed in all my earthly endeavors thus far but I feel that God wants me to take the reins of our state and show the world how it should be done. I wasted most of my life up till a few years ago with my good friend and constant companion Uncle Jim Beam, in stoned bliss but I’m through with all that now because the Lord has shown me the light and way to political heaven by representing all the pious, self righteous, God fearing people of this great state. I won’t let a silly little thing like the Constitution get in my way of ruling as a true God fearing reformer. I intend to put the Ten Commandments and Levitical laws in every public building and school and underline everyone having to do with adultery and coveting your neighbor’s ass. Loud Fundamentalist Christian Protestant prayer will be required every day in every public place. Those found with eyes open not partaking will be cited for disturbing the moral peace. Schools will be forced to teach strict creationism and those ungodly scientific evolution “monkey man sinners” can just move to another state to teach their satanic filth. You say, “but what about the separation of Church and State?” I say smirch and skate! Forget about it. I’ll put Godly deacons and fundamentalist preachers in every leadership position and Judgeship in Frankfort. Just let those pagan legislators try and challenge a Godly group of executive branch Christian warriors like I will assemble. Onward Christian Soldiers! We will have daily Bible study, prayer, fasting and maybe some unknown tongues and snake handling in the capital rotunda. All who refuse to participate will be branded as the sinful traitors they are. We will run every homosexual, abortion loving humanist liberal out of the state of Kentucky and we can then become the beacon of Christianity that our fore fathers intended us to be. Now everyone who would like me to run please write in to your newspaper editor and local Southern Baptist preacher and let them know. I’m a compassionate theocrat running on the Theocratic Jesus ticket next time around. I mean what I say and say what I mean and I won’t change my mind regardless of the facts. Forget tolerance. I’m all for forcing my Godly agenda on everybody regardless of race, religion or creed. It’s fate. Let’s have greed and hate in 2008. I’m getting an early start so “Vote for me - T. Glenn Hall – Governor / Deacon / Ky. Colonel - of the Great State of Kentucky”. Now who’s with me?