Dear Fundamentalist Santa/God

I already received one of my most coveted prayer requests this year when our godly president “w” got elected but there are a few more things I would like to have if at all possible for Christmas. Since you talk to him on a daily basis and he gets all his policy direction from you please tell President Bush that you would like to have Jerry Falwell appointed as Attorney General and Pat Robertson as Secretary of Homeland security. I know these two godly men will right the moral compass in this country by killing two birds with one stone. We all know that family valves social terrorism has been going on since those hippies brought us the wild and crazy 1960’s. These two men can join forces by shipping all anti-war peace nuts, homosexuals, abortionizers, environmentalists, all non-fundamentalist Christians, liberal Democrats, black rappers, feminists, evolution teachers and any and all remaining wicked secular humanists to Guantanamo prison camp. By doing this we will rid America of the real cause of our nations’ troubles; the blue states. Please, please, please! If you do this for me I won’t ask for another thing.

Till the rapture comes,

Bro. Crawley T. Lipschitz


This is my fictitious fundamentalist preacher who leads the flock at
1st Assembly of Southern Republican Baptizers Church